The Hills Have Eyes II (DVD review)

Rated: R (for prolonged sequences of strong gruesome horror violence and gore, a rape and language) *DVD available UNRATED also*
Runtime: 89 minutes (R-Rated cut) / 90 minutes (UNRATED cut)
Directed By: Martin Weisz
Written By: Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven

It’s no big secret that I love me some horror flicks. So yes, I get excited about movies with freaky bloodthirsty desert-dwelling mutants such as The Hills Have Eyes. I never was a huge fan of horror master (who’s currently either lost his touch or is hiding it really well) Wes Craven’s original 1977 film. But the 2006 remake was pretty spiffy in my book, thanks in large part to the visual bravado provided by newbie director Alexandre Aja. And as is the case with any movie, remake or not, that draws success and waves the “potential franchise” flag, the studio naturally wanted a sequel.

I’ll cut to the chase – The Hills Have Eyes II sucks. Badly. The story focuses on a group of National Guard trainees trucking supplies to scientists out in the New Mexico desert – specifically the area that inbred cannibalistic hill-dwellers who’ve been mutated by the radiation fallout from nuclear bomb testing call home. The team responds to a phony distress signal in the hills and starts faring… not so well.

I would’ve been really stoked were Aja returning to the director’s chair. He’s wisely opted to move on, leaving the reigns to newcomer/music video director Martin Weisz. Weisz doesn’t do a bad job, per se. It’s just that his approach here feels formulaic and bland. He keeps the camera erratically and persistently wavering about, often choosing to settle on awkward, dynamic-free compositions. The editing is (ineffectually) schizophrenically trigger-happy, seeming more like a music video than a horror film.

The script is crap. Penned by Craven and his son (which is a neat novelty in itself), it’s rampant with trite, forced dialogue and a ridiculous plot. The first film pitted a family on vacation against the mutants. It was a primal, frightening tale of survival – ordinary people against an extraordinary threat. They had to undergo a rite of passage to survive. Now we have soldiers with automatic weapons and combat training as the victims? And they’re taken out one by one with a pickaxe. It’s laughable – often I found myself wondering if the whole film was a joke. When about halfway through I realized I was still waiting for the REAL movie to start, I gave up.

Can’t say much one way or another about the acting. It’s bad on several parts and mildly at par on others. The characters themselves (which are equal parts boring and annoying) are hollow, one-dimensional waste, useful only to facilitate a high body count – which is sad since even the death scenes are lackluster (save for one where a mutant waves goodbye to a falling victim with his own severed hand… I found that darkly comical).

The DVD has some nifty features that honestly are loads better than the film itself. As it stands, The Hills Have Eyes II is pretty much a waste of celluloid. As severely disappointed as I was, I really can’t recommend it with good conscience.

My Rating: D