Transformers

Rated: PG-13 (for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language)
Runtime: 144 minutes
Directed By: Michael Bay
Written By: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Starring: Shia LeBouf, Peter Cullen (voice), Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Tyrese Gibson, Jon Voight, John Turturro

I’m four years old again. Everyone has something that transports them back to their childhood, something cherished that can bring about the most profound sense of nostalgia. A lot of people get fanatic over and experience above said effect from Star Wars. The same thing (even though the films are new) could be said for Lord of the Rings. For me, it’s one thing – Transformers. Which makes this review particularly difficult to write. The loyal fan in me loves the new movie because of my affinity, and has complaints about it because of how some things were handled. The cinema freak in me loves it because of its high points and frowns because of its lows. It’s a very awkward ebb and flow. I suppose I should jump right into it.

Transformers is the tale of the epic war between Autobots (good) and Decepticons (evil), advanced robotic sentient alien beings who have the ability to transform into objects or machines in order to blend into their environment – primarily land and air vehicles. Descending from the planet Cybertron, their war eventually makes its way to Earth as they search for the Allspark – a cube that originally gave them life. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBouf), your coming-of-age outcast everyboy, buys his first car which turns out to be Bumblebee, an Autobot. Long story short, the Decepticons (Starscream, Barricade, Bonecrusher, Blackout, Scorponok, and Frenzy) invade to awaken their leader, Megatron (cryogenically frozen on Earth), and claim the Allspark. It’s up to the Autobots (Bumblebee, Ironhide, Jazz, and Ratchet) under the leadership of the heroic Optimus Prime to stop them.

I can honestly say I’ve been more excited about this flick than any other movie… ever. It’s been an obsession. I’ve been having recurring dreams about the movie for some time (read: dork). There’s been a lot of fanboy flak thrown at Michael Bay (Armageddon, Bad Boys II, The Island) for directing. It’s too easy to dislike the guy from a film buff standpoint – his work is flashy, erratically cut, overly commercial, and harbors lots of bad decisions in regards to acting, development and approach. But to counterpoint – his stuff looks really good. I mean sexy. Stuff blows up and you can’t help but say (to borrow a catchphrase from a recent convict), “that’s hot…” For a flick about alien robots that morph to and from vehicles hellbent on destroying one another, I’m behind Bay. His style works very well here and oh man does the movie ever LOOK cool. The cinematography is slick, the sound kicks all sorts of your stuff around, but the real trophy is, surprise surprise…

...the effects. They’re absolutely mind-blowing. You have never seen anything like this on screen before. The transformations are gorgeous and seamless. Vehicles race 80-100mph down the road, transform into 20-30 foot tall metal behemoths that exchange Earth-shattering blows, blasting away at each other, then change right back to cars, trucks, whatever and race on without ever breaking stride. The action pieces are incredible and mostly strung back-to-back. Transformers is defiantly a non-stop action-packed thrill ride.

The acting is fair. The real standout is LaBouf – he totally sells every scene he’s in, with apt comedic timing and reactions so believable you buy that he’s really interacting with a giant robot rather than some computer effect. That’s something else that surprised me – the movie is really funny. I had reservations on whether or not the comedy would work, but it did for me. Especially the bits with Bumblebee playing appropriate songs at the right moment (Sam’s girlfiend walks away frustrated and the radio kicks in: “Baby come back… you can blame it all on me”). Peter Cullen triumphantly returns to voice Optimus Prime (he voiced him in the original 80s cartoon) and all I can say is THANK GOD. This iconic character couldn’t have been brought to life without Cullen – he IS Prime.

There’s just something magical about Transformers to me I can’t explain. Optimus Prime has always been the epitomic definition of a hero in my book – defining courage, honor, integrity. When he pulls up as a Peterbilt 379 semi and transforms for the first time, I felt completely in awe – it’s like meeting your hero. When Megatron sends Sam flying off the roof of a building seemingly to his doom and Optimus catches him safely in his hand, saying, “I’ve got you boy…” it’s like a dad saving his son (I’ve always felt there’s a strong father-figure quality to Optimus Prime). When Bumblebee is captured and taken away and Sam rushes in a futile attempt to save him, I found myself welling up a bit. I’m aware that I’m coming off a complete geek. I don’t know, there’s just something inherently emotionally connected to these characters for me.

Sadly, there’s a lot of problems with the flick. There’s a really bad side plot with these analysts, most notably Maggie (played by Rachael Taylor, who is too good-looking to be a scientist… no, can’t buy that), working to crack a signal. Anthony Anderson plays Maggie’s elite hacker friend and… well the guy’s funny but ridiculously out of place here. The action scenes, while stellar, are way, way too quick. The Transformers who die are defeated too quickly and too easily. It’s like a build up to something huge and then, crap… it’s over. Thankfully there’s another action set piece cued and ready to follow each instance. But scenes interconnect awkwardly and often disjointedly, and there are tons of plot holes. The score isn’t particularly good and lacks any recognizable theme, which is desperately needed. Why they didn’t incorporate some version of the original theme song is beyond me. The biggest problem is the script, penned by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. No surprise as they also wrote Mission Impossible III (insert fart noise here to signify awful). Bad dialogue, bad plot progression. And there’s really no character development, save for a select few (Megatron and Starscream were wasted – they should’ve known better). I wanted to get to know each of the Transformers, learn their eccentricities, their stories. Instead some show up, have one line, transform and are defeated in the same scene. That was a huge letdown. The movie focuses too much on the humans – it should’ve been more about the Autobots and Decepticons (Sam being the exception).

When all’s said and done, Transformers is tough to call. On one level I’m disappointed. On another, it’s everything I wanted it to be. The two opinions are duking it out Autobot/Decepticon style in my head at the moment. There’s no reason this flick shouldn’t have been a masterpiece. Spielberg executive produced – he should’ve demanded a better script and stepped in to aid in some of the character development (he’s great at it). As it is, Transformers is flawed. But I love it, and not just for the spectacle. Am I biased? Yes. Am I passing this purely because it’s Transformers? No. The good just outweighs the bad. And I simply can’t get enough of it. So please, guys (Spielberg, Bay, or whoever will be involved)… bring on the sequel and make it bigger and better. I want to be four again at least one more time.

My Rating: A –